i dont know what i am doing anymore.
things i should be doing are not being done
i spend a lot of time doing things that are not needed to be done
and i dont even do those things well

i rely so heavily on people to pick me up when i feel down
but when they are the ones who started it
when they are the ones to disappoint
when they are the ones to not satisfy
who else is there to pick me up?

myself…? im not doing a very great job of it at the moment thats for sure
and theres something stopping me from turning to God fully
maybe is my laziness?
or maybe because theres a part of me that thinks God will disappoint me like people?

there is so much more to life than my feelings…
but i am just so caught up in it all to do anything….

i dont know what im doing, i dont know what i am talking about…

it’s just all really…. DRY


i have not laughed this hard in a very long time! you know…laughing so much you cant breathe and it is really painful.
it is good to hangout with people you shared very much of your teenage
years with. all grown up talking about old times. and being with what
was once leaders now friends.

just when i was losing faith in friendships. God reminds me of the
friends He has blessed me with. just to be able to LAUGH like that was




i have noticed that people are very trusting.
just because i dress smart they think im an expert in medicine.
someone even asked if i was the manager today… lol

‘i have a cough, could you recommend me something?’

‘which one do you think will work best?’

‘my son is ill, what can he take?’

‘what should i give to my child’s teacher for christmas?’

i have been asked everything….  
and everytime i act like im really confident in what im doing
but really… i dont have a clue…..
i have no idea what i recommend will actually help with peoples illness…
if they are pregnant they cant take certain medicines…
but i dont like asking if they are pregnant or not coz if they are not then….well………

they seem to trust me alot….i cant believe people actually TRUST me with their health…
is life or death we are taking about here (well almost…..it could be…)
it is rather stressful…..

im just glad i trust in a God that actually knows what He is doing…. 


maybe one day i’ll like who i am. what i see in the mirror?


im a mobile
hanging from the ceiling
life’s a mobile
spinning ’round with mixed feelings
crazy and wild
sometimes i wanna scream out loud

everything’s changing everywhere i go
all out of my control
everything’s changing everywhere i go
out of what i know