sometimes things that you cant have in real life you get in your
dreams. and they seem so real…. it makes waking up all the more
impossible. it makes you think ALL DAY LONG. why cant it be true?? that
FEELING from the dream is the closest you’ll ever get…

stop messing with my head…!

tree and sun


came across this old blog

Saturday, January 06, 2007


    • a REALLY stunning face
    • a lovable personality
    • pretty hands
    • curly long eye lashes
    • blonde hair
    • nice nose
    • the perfect body
    • a baby brother/sister
    • a mansion with indoor and outdoor pools. 100+ rooms
    • something that im proper good at. like a real talent
    • a bf or a prince. which ever one comes 1st
    • perfect A grades for everthing
    • a nice sweet comforting voice
    • smart, fully functioning brain
    • a polaroid camera
    • good english skills
    • the ability to make people listen to me
    • the ability to dance. ballet and stuff
    • a bedroom that can see both the sunrise and sunset
    • a thinner face
    • perfect vision
    • all the clothes i want
    • double bed

so one year on…… the only thing i can tick off from that list
is a
polaroid camera…and i still want those things… truly very
sad…… the list are things i am NOT and will never be. or things i
do not need, nor will i ever HAVE….. stupid stupid earthly

i dont know what to say without sounding like im depressed….. im not
depressed… just craving for a lot of temporary things in life when i
know FULL well only God can satisfy!! my heart has gone all funny….
my brain is telling me crazy things…. but i will put my feelings and
emotions aside and look on to the cross. stop making this difficult for me!

time to REFOCUS!!!



i guess its time for xanga 🙂 this is something i must write down so i’ll never forget….

so after what seemed like the never ending 2 months of revision. exam
finally arrived and past. it didnt go that badly. nor was it very good.
but i did somehow get through it. so in order to get some quietness.
elaine and i decided to go to the convent. many funny stories and
happening but i wont mention them here ( coz most of them are on
elaines blog already…..)

anyway. i wanted to go to the convent because i needed a break
from…EVERYTHING. from uni… from family…from people… and find my
way back to God. dont get me wrong, God was THERE during exam but i
have managed to push Him to the back seat and kid myself that if i think
about Him once in a while it still makes me a ‘good christian’ and that
i was still tight with God.

the convent was so so quiet. so peaceful. boring…but meaningful. one
the 1st morning when me and elaine went to do our own things. i took my
camera out with me and was simply amazed at Gods beauty. the sun was
out. there was green everywhere. and snap snap snap i go

and i was talking to God. i said to Him….God i find it so hard to
listen to you…. so ok now im here…TA:LK to me!! i just dont know
how to listen to you!!….. and so God replied… ‘you dont have to DO
anything when you listen. you just LISTEN’………………. so after
a life time of DOING THINGS He tells me to DO NOTHING…
wow…ok…i’ll give that a try

and so He talks…. He lead me to the foot of the cross (statue of
jesus on the cross) and i began reading about jesus’s death and all the
stuff before His death. i was at a place where i could listen to God.
then after preparing cell group with elaine she lent me her iPod to
listen to a talk. ironically it was about THE CROSS.

there is so much more i want to say but i think i’ll stop here 🙂 ( i
have written them all down in my journal so i’ll allow xanga) i just
want to encourage you all to LISTEN to God. it doesnt require much….
and you will gain alot from it. 

taken with my new polaroid camera ^^
i have been wanting one since i was a kid…!