A LONG GIRLY BLOG
*you have been warned……read at your own risk*
about 2 months ago things got very bad… i had one of those
I-NEED-A-BF crave. i needed to be loved, valued and i needed someone to
love. i would battle with satan everyday as he tries to tempt me. i had
a hard time coming to terms with WHAT and HOW i actually felt.
i record one night… i just broke down… crying like there was no
tomorrow. and for the 1st time i told God what i wanted in terms of
relationship. i told Him everything i thought i need, i told Him that
it wasn’t fair how everyone around me have experienced it and i haven’t.
and i went on and on and on…. but in the end i told Him i prefer His
will. it made such a difference TELLING God what i wanted. He didn’t
grant me those things i wanted (ie. an instant bf) but He gave me peace
in my heart.
two weeks ago at 360. kalun gave a talk on giving our lives to God. i
have always said i will give my life to Him etc….but this time i
really understood what it meant. giving something up to God means
saying to God….’ok, this is what i want, but if it is Your will to
take it away from me, i will be ok with it because You have the better
plan’. then i thought to myself…. i dont really have much that i
haven’t yet given up to Him…. but anyway i asked God to show what i was
holding on to in life.
God being God…..He did show me….
for as long as i can remember. my plan for the future was to fall in
love, get married and have kids…. that was my solid plan FULL STOP.
when God pointed at THAT and ask me to submit to Him my reaction
was…. NO WAY! THATS HARSH!!! i cried…. i cried because that was
something i really wanted….i EXPECTED it to
happen. i mean….mostly everyone end up having kids and stuff right?!
but anyway… i did give it up to Him…. i said to God…..’ok, if
Your plan for me in life is to not get married. so be it because i know
You will have other ways of fulfilling me’
does this mean i will remaind single all my life? maybe, maybe not. but
all i know is…..it doesn’t even matter… i will not LACK anything if
i dont get married coz my God is ENOUGH for me. right now i may not
know how He is going to do that….but i know He will show me.
i realised that i was so anxious about finding the right guy and
everything because i PLANNED to be in a relationship and get married…
not once have i ever asked God if that was His plan. i just went ahead
and assumed….without knowing if it is best for me or not!!! now
that i have submitted it to God, i feel so much lighter. it is no
longer important to me enough for me to worry about. even though im not
perfect right now and i still have my insecurities. i know that God is
in total control
after watching august rush and enchanted… normally after watching
lovey films i’ll get jealous at the characters finding love. but this
time it doesnt even bother me!! it can only be the transforming power
of God! i dont need a fairy tale to get my happy ending because i’ve
You are more than enough for me 🙂