This is really really scary. I thought it was meant to be a happy thing…. but it isn’t. Fear surrounds me like a fence…

Is this the right thing to do? Have I made the wrong choice? Or have I made the right choice but I’m still unwilling to trust Him? 

“Love is not self-seeking” yet I find my highest concerns are to do with myself… how I don’t want to get hurt, how I don’t want to be wrong, how I don’t want to lose the upper hand. 

The expectations I have had for years and years are putting pressure on me… This is such a big thing I cannot get my head around it… I even woke up in the middle of the night last night from a panic attack which was followed by intense sorrow… 

You gave me these words and I will hold on to them. 

Philippians 4:4-7:

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Guard our hearts and minds.