FIGHTING BACK THE TEARS

Psalm 56:8

Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll- are they not in your record?

a rush of mixed emotions hit me today on the train. my eyes began to tear up, for no explainable reason. i tired my best to hold back the tears. then i remembered the times when i was little, how i would roll my eyes and look up just so the tears wont fall. my eyes would well up but i would not let them fall.

i have come a long way….

now i dont hold back the tears. i let them flow for they are from the heart.
tears brings freedom, the freedom to express how i feel and the freedom to worship
my tears represent intimacy between the Father and i
in times of tears, my guard is down, my soul is weak and thats where He shines
tears are my response to Grace, i let the tears fall for i am humbled
my tears remind me of Gods faithfulness, that He is a good God
my tears are out pours of who He has made me to be

through my tears He heals, He comforts, He fills

AMAZED BY GRACE

i found a love, greater than life itself.

1 Corinthians 7:29-33

What I mean, brothers, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.

im so amazed by grace…. again… falling on my knees asking…why am i chosen?? i did nothing to deserve this…
my deepest, darkest, most shameful sins You have washed away. i no longer have to work my way into You. if it was up to me, i know i will never get there….time and time again i go back to my sinful ways… but time and time again You forgive me. i cried because i was humbled by Your presence, i cried because i was thankful. so so thankful.

life is so much more than i know. there is no time to waste worrying about things that is not going to last.
no matter how hard i try, how hard i search, NO one here on earth can supply or sustain me. its not about my prince charming, its not about being a princess, its not about my romantic stories, its not about my happy family i one day may have…. its about HIM and HIM only!

this blog does not do God justice. my words simply are not enough to express this

IM THANKFUL FOR…

friends.

it hasnt been the easiest season of life… God is challenging me in more ways than i can imagine… showing me alot of things i never knew…. i feel stretched in every direction

but everytime i thought i was going to snap, God will use a friend to remind me of His love and His strength, to give me the push that i need to climb through hurdles, to point me to the right direction or simply just to listen to me…

i have made lives around me very difficult. i dont know how they do it, but these people called friends stuck by me…put up with me…prayed for me…encouraged me….

i dont know how they do it…..but im glad they do

dear friends (you know who you are) thank you. x

i dont know why my oldself feels the need to come back out….
go away……..

IS IT ME?

Trying to analyze every angle, situation


Trying to find an explanation


Cause it’s getting aggrivating


Why my relationships never seem to work out


Beginnin’ to worry and doubt


If I’m even able to detect he’s the one


When to stay or when to run


Why I haven’t seen the sun


Shine his light on my heart and help me ease the pain


Cause I’m getting tired of the rain




Falling on my heartbreak and I


Get my hopes up when I’m in love


Until we break up then I’m back to the


Same spot, I’ve been lonely, drowning


Cause every guy turns out to be the same


So now I’m questionin’ is it me to blame





Is It Me? am I so complicated?


Is It Me? or is love over-rated?


Is It Me? cause I don’t quite understand


Why it never turns out how I thought I planned it


Is It Me? am I too independent?


Is It Me? not ready for commitment?


Is It Me? cause it doesn’t seem to last


And it’s the only question that I never asked



Maybe I’m longin’ for it more than I should be expecting


All the standards that I’m setting


Unrealistically I’m getting


Possibly in the way of what is left to have in store


Because I’m so confused and insecure


Cause when i know for certain everything is going wrong


I permitted to prolong


Tried my best to hold on


My Mister Right’s probably hanging round my window pane


While I look through only watching the rain